click before you proceed.

What a coincidence

Just last week, my grandma told me of an intruder who went into her house w/o permission. No it wasn't a monkey but it was a snake instead. An 8 foot long python to be exact.

According to her, she got up in the middle of the night at around 2a.m to get some water from the kitchen. Then she got the shock of her life when she saw a snake hanging down from the ceiling. For your info, my grandma lives in a semi-kampung house. The roof is made of eiam-pan(in hokkien) or zinc(in english) and it is support by wooden columns.

The snake curled around the columns supporting the ceiling for support and let down its head. The snake's head was about the same level as my grandma's and was looking straight at her. My grandma got a little scared so she went back to the room and woke my uncle up. Both of them went back to the kitchen soon after and the snake was staring at them once again. Being superstitious my grandma feels that the snake is a spirit but just taking it's shape as a snake. Together with my uncle, they sort of like prayed to the snake saying "We bring no harm, so please do not harm us." My uncle went back to bed and my grandma just walk pass the snake, took the water and went back to sleep as well.

As they were lying down, they heard noises in the second room. It was more like a store room. They heard things falling down to the floor, lots of things. So my uncle decided to go have a look. He switched on the light and saw the room in a mess. Then he saw the snake coiled up in a circle under the cupboard. My uncle just ignored it and hope that it'll be gone in the morning.

About an hours time after that incident, my uncle got woken up by a soft and cold object slithering on his forehead!! My uncle woke up and saw the snake moving towards my grandma. It then touched my grandma's head for a moment and then moved away. To my amazement, they paid no attention to the snake and got back to sleep.

The next morning they woke up and tried to search for the snake but failed to do so. A neighbour later told my grandma he saw a huge snake in the drain. My grandma knew it was it and was thankful for nothing tragical happened that night. -The end-

Noc says:
Knn if it was me and I saw an 8 foot long snake in my kitchen, the first thing I would do is get it out of my house. How can someone just ignored it and go back to sleep! LOL! Whats worse if it was crawling on my head, I would've jumped up from my bed and lock the dam door instead of staying calm and let the snake do it's thing. Lastly, I was also thankful that nothing happened to the both of them. Amen. (what!?)

Oh btw, what would you guys do if you encounter a situation like this?

Motherfucking Monkey

You guys will never guess what happened to me this morning. Dam. I couldn't really believe it myself either. Here goes:

It all started at 10.20 when I woke up due to a stenching smell and a grumbling stomach. I pull up my blanket and the stench got stronger! OMG noc pee-ed/shitted in his pants? Hell no but I did fart though. From then I knew it was a bad omen - waking up due to a fart. (I bet you guys heard of waking up with a sneeze means bad luck for the day, well its bull shit. This is the real thing, read on)

After that I closed my eyes and continued my sleep and had a great dream. It was me on a speedboat with hot girls(shh dun tell shing). Sadly I got woken up soon after. It was sean, he busted into my room as if there was a fire. He screamed "MONKEY MONKEY, THERES A MONKEY IN OUR HOUSE!". I opened my eyes and saw him standing at my door with a ":O" impression on his face. I almost said, the only monkey I see is you! But as a good brother, I did not. I asked if he had seen the right thing and he just nodded.

I woke up from my slumber with droopy eyes and slowly approached my mum's room. Sean was smart enough to close the door so the monkey could not come out from there. I touched the door knob and put my ears close to the door, trying to get a sound from inside. It was quiet though. Then I thought to myself if there was a monkey in there, what would I need most? A blardy stick was all I need. Sean went downstairs and got a long stick for me. I was ready then.

One hand on the door knob ready to twist while the other gripping firmly on the 3 foot long stick. Sean was behind me holding a plastic sword from the bogus show - Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I twisted the door knob and pushed the door wide open.

SUDDENLY, I was like lema! My mums' room was smelling like Botanical Gardens atm. There were plenty of places to hide so my brother and I crept in slowly. I raised my stick waist-high, ever ready to smack anything that looks like a monkey.

Then there they were standing so silently side by side. Yes there were two of them. Even as I lay my eyes on them, they did not move. They were the reason my mums room smelled like Botanical Gardens. They were black and small. I lay my stick down as I had no intention to smack them whatsoever. I was only two feet away from them. They were - Monkey SHIT! (gotcha!)

WTF!? The motherfucking monkey left a souvenir for us, two pieces of shit and plenty of urine. It was sort of like a sign saying "MONKEH WAS HERE!". Humans do it with graffiti/carving but I guess this creature prefer feces and pee. Whats more, the monkey even placed an artificial leaf on top of its shit. DAM! And there was also a pen and an eye-liner(from my mum's dressing table) dippin' in monkey pee.

Later, I got up and went to mum's bathroom. I saw two bars of soap on the floor. One with a bite mark and another with a scratch mark. The tube of toothpaste was opened and there were toothpaste squeezed all over the floor.

Then it was cleaning up time. It sucked. You guys should know that Baskin Robins have this kind of motto "Fresh Hand-picked Ice-cream" right? Well mine was almost that good except it was FRESH hand-picked monkey shit. I mopped up the urine soon after and got back to my sleep.

And to further prove that waking up with a fart means bad luck, I lausai-ed the whole day...minimum 5 times. Till now, I still got the urge to rush to the bathroom. Pfft!

the one on the right wants to take over the world.
the one one the left wants to take over my house.
the question is, who will prevail?

Finding Judgement - Part 2

I saw pookyma a few weeks ago and he asked, "eh when will you take down your poll?(regarding my mum pawning me..puiks)". I answered him, "soon" and well today is the day!

Hmm let me tally the voters' vote.

- 2 dudes think that I lost due to my heavy keys and handphone in my pocket - REASOBABLE

- 4 people agreed that I ROCK! - VERY REASONABLE!

- 1 fella thinks my mum cheated - PLAUSABLE...

- Lastly a crazy 23(76%) thinks that I sark and my mum is way fitter than I am - THIS IS ABSURD!!

Despite me writing the 'psst this is a wrong answer' right behind the option, people still INSIST on voting on it! WTH? ARGH! Is there so many "buta huruf" people around?? Or maybe next time I should CAPS and bold the 'psst this is a wrong answer' so it would CLEARER and you guys won't vote wrongly anymore, HUH!? HUH!?

Sighs, I know I shouldn't get so worked out over this. Everyone knows in the very bottom of their hearts that I rock.And if I were to put up the poll again I bet you guys would've voted anything other than the last option, right?

But I'm still curious, where did the 23 come from!? These are my best guesses :-

1. Some of you guys wanted some glasses from my mum and thought it'll be a good idea to butter her first.

2. You guys are jealous of the PRO-ness of Noc. hmm.

3. Blogspot had some mistakes with the poll thingy. The 23 actually voted for NOC ROCKS but ended with that unacceptable answer.

I'm sure when you're reading this, you'll be nodding your head constantly and say "WOAH how can Noc tell!?" cus the reason for those who voted the LAST option is either one of those 3 that Ive stated. W00t. And if it isn't(very very very...very low chance) why don't you write down a comment on why you did! >:(

(Ps: no need to say sorry, I forgive u guys. huahuahuahua)

A New Religion

Have you guys found out about the new religion? Its called beatrixnology and after practising the religion, you shall be labelled a beatrixnologist. In this religion, you shall believe that there is only one god and that god is still a human(haven't sacrifice herself yet). Thou shall obey the god's rule without any questioning or you shall get wahyu that sounds like this, "I DOWAN TO MEET U D." This "god" forbids its followers of any interaction between their friends. Its a pretty dumb religion right? Sadly one of my friend has to obey it, lets call him tjc_23.

I got a few post on the way already but this could not wait. I had enough of crapshit from her. Her refers to Beatrix Neoh in short BN. What a coincidence! BN reminds me of the ever ruling party that pisses people off and now I don't see the difference between Barisan National and Beatrix Neoh.

To those who don't know, Noc has just recently came back from a trip to Langkawi. Wanna know how well it went? here are four F's for you : Friends + Fun = Fucking Fun. Hell Yeah. BUT ever so often doing our trip in Langkawi I see tjc_23's face black as charcoal with both hands tied to his hand phone. Without even asking, I knew he was tasting the "God's" wrath. ROAR!!!

BN, I've a question, do you expect tjc_23 to have nothing else in his life but you? Are you really that selfish, controlling his life like a puppet master? I've heard various bullshits from you and I shall name a few of them right now :-

1. Uninstall his game just to talk to you.
Resulting in tengok BN, makan BN, tidur BN, cakap BN, kerja BN and BN BN.

2. Going out with friends during their birthdays gets a NO from you.

3. Going out with friends to Langkawi gets a HELL NO from you.
But while he was asking your permission, you saw a 5cent coin on the floor and thought it was a good omen and you let him go.

4. Avoid talking to anyone of the opposite sex be it in school,work or play.
Tjc_23 sometimes hesitate to even touch a female goat or a cow.

Beatrix Neoh, what you seriously lack besides trust is respect.

Now lets do some thinking(time for you to use your brain a little, BN).
Here is a situation, your bf Tjc_23 is going to a trip and that trip happens to have a few girls in it. It is either :

A. You get angry reasonably due to insecurity OR
B. You create a post in your blog screwing everyone but yourself.

You chose B. Knowing that we are well known casual friends of your bf, its either :

A. You trust your bf and you let him have some fun(finally) OR
B. You unleashed your wrath on him and start calling your bf's friends Fuckhead friends, sluts, guy w/o dicks, fucking brainless shits that are desperate for female company, shitty idiots and the infamous bunga mawar yang telah LAYU!!! in your blog.

You chose B. And like I said earlier, you lack of Respect. Then out of a sudden, your so called private blog leaked and you either:

A. You open it publicly since you already wrote it and dare to admit it OR
B. You CHICKEN OUT and double lock your blog so that "unwanted" people can't read it.

Once again you chose B despite this sentence, originally from your blog : " LIKE I CARE IF U READ THIS!! knn.. " Hah you make me laugh BN. So pathetic.

Keep this going BN and soon you'll see 2nd graders reading this aloud in class, "as selfish as Beatrix" or maybe even "Ali is as eager to be a fishmonger as Beatrix". Are you that afraid of us(his friends) courting your bf? EVEN GUYS? like WTF(this line is from you)?

Very well, incase you don't know we don't swing that way. Get this in your thick skull, he might be a knight in shining armour through your eyes but he is just an odinary old man to us. I meant a friend to us. Oh and what irony, here you are worrying that he cheats on you and there you go writing this in your 'private blog' :- "A guy you like but do not love". WOOOOO!! I pity tjc_23, I really do and sometimes it makes me wonder why does he put up with all this bullshit for such a selfish girl. Then again its none of my business.

Clearly I'm pretty pissed while writing this and I figure you'll be the same. Well, I DGTF(Don't Give Two Fucks) if you are. Langkawi is our trip and I DGTF if you like it or not. Do not find tjc_23 for answers or put him at fault cause its not his. And if you can't contact hock, I'm always here to entertain you. I'm pretty sure the other 14 of us will have no problems dealing with your petty problems, ain't that right apong? ;)

Lastly, no offense intended in this post... NAH im just joking. This post goes directly to you BN! Suck it up, read it a thousand times and be honored for not everyone gets the privillage to be posted up as a special guest in TNocST. >:( ROAR!

(ps: if you haven't read kit's blog, here is the link - link)

The Main Reason I Haven't Been Updating My Blog

You guys must be wondering why haven't I update my blog for such a long time. Well there are a few factors actually but I shall emphasize on the MAIN one.

I will write an essay of a thousand words based on the MAIN reason to redeem myself. Ok?

a picture says a thousand words...HAHAHA..get it? get it?
dam...i know its lame but its true!

(ps: don't worry my fans, Iill get over with it soon :)

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