click before you proceed.

I Need Judgement!

Here is my story....just earlier today my mum and I (along with dkny's gf and sean too) went to Botanical Gardens for a walk. We planned to walk for two whole rounds just to get some sweat out. Oklor, then came Noc who wanted to compete with his mum.

This were the results :-
Round 1:-
Noc clocked in at 14.35
Mum timed 14.36

Round 2:-
Noc struggled with 21.02
Mum timed 15.40

I know you guys think like WTF man. Am I rite? Noc losing to his own mum..pfft impossible~!
Kla I shall not be lob sided and I shall deal with it fairly. U guys start voting and lets find out what really happened k? Oh yeah during my run, I had my car keys and my handphone with me. I bet those 2 slowed me down a chunk, don't you think so too? Now lets go ahead and vote for the truth! Noc readers you know who to vote for yeah!!


Ps: on side note, I saw a bobo family over there. 1 mum 2 kids(age 9-11). The mum pointed on a broken branch which fell from a tree about 10 metres from them and what happened? Her 2 kids got hysterical and ran as fast as they could towards it while shouting RANTING!! RANTING!! ...zzz...typical bobos

Beer Or Pussy?

Have you(more to guys) ever wonder which is a better choice? Beer ? Pussy? Beer? Pussy? I'm sure getting both would be a total blast BUT if you were put in a corner and forced to choose either one of those, will you make the right choice? Well you're damn lucky cus in The Noc Straits Times we help you decide rationally and factually when faced with such mind-boggling question - To Beer or To Pussy?


We know very well that each(beer or pussy) has its own pros and cons. Ive took alot of time to come up with this unflawed statistics. Take a look for yourself :-

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible if served hot.
A pussy tastes great if served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you...Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy.

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can "come" in.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may or may not get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will DEFINITELY get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. :)
Advantage: Pussy.

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw.

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five. :)
Advantage: Pussy.

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: Beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: Beer.

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy.

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is MORE fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw.

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
The better choice :- Pussy.

So if anytime in the near or far future, when your friends/parents/gf/bf/maid/teachers/dog asks you this scientific question, just recall "TNST told me that pussy is always a better choice".

ps: many credits to mr.dkny


_

p

A Journey To The Land Below The Wind

Just about a week ago my family together with shingua went to TLBTW or also known as Sabah. The trip was pretty awesome thanks to the magnificent scenery and more importantly, the cool hotel.

First of all I will like to clear the doubts of my dear readers especially apong,choya and pinkbag. Unlike my other readers who know that I'm UBER talented at drawing, these few guys don't! Absurd isn't it, underestimating my skills...pfft! Ive took exactly 6 minutes and 34 seconds to complete tis drawing, the drawing that will answer all(not all la) your questions, the drawing of SABAH!

dam, the red dot is due to human errors but at least it shows that I drew it!

Ahh, other than that red dot, thou shall find my drawing pretty perfect huh? Ok now that everyone believes my art is great, let me tell you all about my vacation.

We took the 10.15 am flight to Sabah and the trip took like 2 hours and 50 minutes. We we're lucky cus the airplane was a new one. Thus we had comfortable seats and chilling air-cond BUT the air stewardess were VERY....UN-NEW and UN-eyepleasing.Dam!


What I find different between Sabah and Penang is:

1.The people.
Most of the people(living in KK at least) are very tanned. They don't look like Indians though but more like sun-burned bobos. But I kinda pity them cause the government automatically include those ethnics as malays and not individually on their own, for example:Kadazans and Bajau(majority in KK). Even though they're malays, they aren't muslims though(probably they read TNocST and hate bobos too). Most of them are Christians.


2.The infrastructures.
Infrastructures in KK are pretty left behind if you ask me. But something they have which we don't is a TIMES SQUARE. Sadly we'll have to wait for 10 years or more to get ourselves one. When you're in KK, its either you're in a small developed area with Esprit shops and Coffee Bean or you're shooting birds with the local dudes with a blow pipe. This shows that the structure of community in KK has a huge gap between the rich and the poor.

Oh yeah there was one part where we pass through where the Bajau lived, gosh I didn't know they were such dimwits. Ok let me explain myself, their houses are made of wood and were built on stilts. The Bajau's are known as PEARL DIVERS or Water Villagers as we read in our Sejarah book but when you see them, you'll be sure to say they are DIRTY motherfuckers! WHY? they dump everything from household junk right to their very own faeces into the sea. And where are they're houses build on? THE SEA!! That's right, dumbfark villagers.

Every morning, those bastards will squad just outside their house and have a shit into the sea, their neighbours would do the same so they can have a morning conversation while staring at the other guys "willie".

"Selamat pagi Ahmad, hari ni angin kencang ya?" says stupidvillager1.
(Morning bobo, its pretty windy today eh?)

Stupidvillager2 "Kenapa awak cakap gitu?".
(Why do you say so?)

Stupidvillager 1 "Sebab saya bole hidu bau taik hang dari sini..he he he"
(Cus I can smell your shit from here! he he he)


3. Food
Their food sucks compared to ours. Drinks 2nded. I got this impression even on the first day itself when we got out to a well known coffee shop in Tj Aru. We ordered a few dishes along with rice and I "cleverly" ordered EPAL JUS(apple juice) as my beverage. Whats worse, I was gaogao to order it LARGE cus I was pretty thirsty at that time. When drinks were served, gosh my apple juice was NESCAFE colored and has no apple flavour whatsoever. I forced myself to gulp down that slob killing my taste buds along with my appetite. YUCK!


4. Election campaigns
Hoh, this is the factor with the biggest difference between sabah and penang. When you arrive there, you don't see any cluster of flags or eerie posters cus they are very rare indeed. But if you do, its only Barisan Nasional posters. In the kampung region, instead of putting flags or colored posters, they use PHOTOSTATTING. YEs, they Photostatted their own face, with a weighing scale and they stick not on lamp posts or trees, but on your houses and fences. No rocket/blue moon/green-ed japan flag can be seen over there.


In conclusion:
Day1 : Relaxed in the hotel, dinner at a famous restaurant called OCEAN
Day2 : Kinabalu park, Poring Springs, and I hiked the Mount Kinabalu..............foothill
Day3 : Visited Manukan Island
Day4 : Museum,Town-ing
Day5 : Back to PG..hooray~

Take Five

hie ,donuts and bananas sekalian..feeling sad??moody??confused??happy??worried??angry??well,i would like to share some funny and touching clips with yall~!so whoever tht have negative feelings, chill and be happy~!!


video

a not-so-hot version of Rihana's Umbrella


video

a very touching video guys!

The Lawyer With The Cop

Here is a joke for you guys, I know doing all those uni shits are pretty stressful...so here goes~


There is this London lawyer who ran over a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense !!

Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; AND you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the lawyer and says,

"Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

The Arrival Of A Monkey

A particular bobo by the name of Khairy has just got the permit to hold a meeting with all the Muslims at the State Mosque in Penang. That motherfucker will be arriving on the 20/3/08. As you guys know he is the son-in-law of the infamous "SLEEPING BOBO". What is his purpose having a meeting with all the malays? I cant say but I have this bad feeling about it tho. So to all my readers out there, you are adviced to stay at home on that day, heck maybe even prepare some food incase of anything. Those idiots are only good at jeopardizeing the safety of the public. Ever since the opposition party took over Penang state, those bobos cant really sit tight on their sits anymore.


Oh and for the recent outbreak in Penang's "PEACEFUL DEMONSTRATION" in prangin mall, here is a dialogue between my mums friend with a bobo standing there protesting.

Mums fren: Kak apasai semua orang diri kat sini?
An-idiotic-bobo-with-excessive-cloth-on-her-head: Saya pun tak tao, depa bagi saya 80 ringgit untuk diri sini 2 jam. Saya pun diri lah.

WOOO bribery in the broad day light? You be the judge. UMNO has become so desperate that they forked out RM 48,000 to ask those fuktards to "demonstrate". Mofos. Gets me pissed even by writing this post. So as a conclusion, stay home, be safe, and smash those bobo's face if they try to do anything funny. ~noc~

Temporary maintainence

This blog will undergo temporary maintainence from the 10th of march to 14th of march due to several personal reasons. Those personal reasons include stress, needing some time off and escaping STPM results for a short period of time..which doesnt really help though. Where am I heading? See for yourself...

A map drawn by Christopher Columbus.

X marks the spot baby!

Thats all for now people. Do take care of yourself, I know I know its pretty hard without me around and all but this I must say to you guys out there, "Dun cry for me Argentina." Tatas~

ps: just replace Argentina with your name and wallah, it works for you too!

AND THE WINNER IS....

DAP FO SHO!!!
w00t w00t!!
DAP pawns Penang state with a clean sweep now take that BN!

Alright am I being too harsh to the ever-ruling party?
Well here is a song to calm them down.
Sing it with me people~!
It goes like this :

NA NA NA NA,
NA NA NA NA,
HEY HEY HEY,
GOODBYE!
(x3)

Hottest News In Town!!

We've seen our beloved health minister in action, we've seen mr.pop star edison chen pawning celebrity chicks and guess what there is another new superstar in the business of "showing off how long is their KERIS."

Through this link : dontpressifyouarenot18orifyouareaBNsupporter.thx.
Thou shall witness Pak Lah's son in law in action; mr khairy, also known as THE MALAY VERSION OF EDISON CHEN!

*ps: click at your own risk!*

The Truth

Dear Publisher of The Star, I am writing this letter with much regret and disappointment over TheStar’s news publication and strongly condemn and object to all your articles about the General Election, over the past few days.

It is very clear that your articles on the coming general election give one-sided views supporting the BarisanNasional Government. I view this as something unhealthy and a threat to the future of a free media.

You use the caption Malaysia Decides2008 for your general election reports.How does the electorate decide, when you don’t even report on the opposition parties? Lim Kit Siang, Anwar Ibrahimand other opposition leaders gave many ceramahs in Penang, but I don’t see any details or article about those events.

The reports I have seen about any Opposition party, are negative ones about that party. What kind of practiseis this in a democratic country?

We, the rakyat and readers of The Star, expect and demand equal coverage of news about all parties in the general election

Yes, it’s good to tell the nation what the Barisan has done for the people and the development it has brought to this country. At the same time, it is also important to hear the Opposition’s views and vision for the country. Whether they are giving empty promises or lying, it is for the rakyat to decide. Not for the government or for your publication to decide or come to a conclusion.

In your publication on 28 February 2008 on page N 11, there is an advertisement for the MIC. What kind of advertisement is that? Is the MIC trying to instil fear in the nation and get votes by threatening us? It says IF YOU DON’T VOTE FOR MIC THEN BE PREPARED TO PAY THE PRICE. What does the MIC mean by that? That statement is already in breach of election campaign rules, which prohibits nominees from threatening voters.

I also see only Barisan Nasional advertisements in The Star. Aren`t there any other parties contesting in this coming general election? Every single day, I see so many full page BN advertisements. Haven’t they exceeded the campaign budget limit approved by the Election Commission for all parties yet?

I know it costs many thousands of ringgit for a single-page advertisement in The Star. Or is The Star sponsoring the pages for the BN? If yes, then why is The Star not also sponsoring the DAP, Keadilan and Pas? There are as many readers who support the Opposition as there are who support the BN.

This is such an insult to all readers of The Star. We give you business and you pay us back in this way? When reporting news that refers to Abdullah Badawi and Najib Razak, your publication refers to them as the Prime Minister and the Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia. Have your editors forgotten that Parliament has been dissolved? What rights do you have then to officially call both these persons current ministers of Malaysia. Aren’t you giving false information to the public ?

This letter is a demand to the Star Publication to give equal coverage to all parties contesting the General Election. It is also a call to the Election Commission chairman and to all the media to ensure there is equal and fair coverage of all parties.

If your company still publishes one-sided reports after reading this letter, I am going to launch a boycott of The Star newspaper and urge Penang people not to buy your paper. I will go all out to use my influence and contacts to make sure people do not buy The Star.

There are alternatives to your newspaper. Why spend more to buy news that is unfair and unequal? I hope this will be a start for change in the way your reports are published. Let the nation decide; don’t fool your readers.


Yours faithfully,

Sudhagaran Stanley







WOW! what a great shot to the Star as it is to the ever-ruling party Barisan Nasional. What was written above is clearly true and correct. If you read the papers, you'll definitely agree with me. News regarding the Opposition Parties are very much negative for example the article on Anwar Ibrahim.

BN has came to a point of such desperation that they pay thousands of ringgit (mostly from our parents' salary) in advertisement. Where you might ask. Everywhere. The radio, the newspapers, TV, floating baloons, oversized posters, annoying flags and such. Even the "happy-channel" (hua hi tai...i forgot the channel number tho..some1 update me pls haha) shows a 2 minute advertisement for Barisan Nasional. Why dont I see the opposition doing that? Either it is because they leech money from the government OR Astro is just being as lobsided as The Star.

Although it is saddening to know that DAP/PAS/Keadilan has a definite defeat on the upcoming election, we must not give in! Vote for the opposition, please tell your parents, uncles, aunts, and anyone eligible to vote for the opposition and even if they aren't eligible, brainwash them for the sake of their future!

The recent events showing the BN candidates cleaning drains, going to the market, tending the sick and old and visiting the tsunami victims have done nothing but degrade their very own image. It shows how dire they are in winning the election. Im very sure they keep this line in their hearts while doing the activity above "KANNEH! Lets get this over with!"

A simple trivia for you guys :
Question: How often do you see those politicians clean the drain/visit the market/tend to the sick?
Ans : Simple! Once every 4/5 years!

About the politicians, Im not only pointing on BN but also for the opposition. If they are sincere in doing what they do, Im sure they will do it much more often than once in 4 to 5 years right? One more thing that pisses me off is the flags and shits hanging on our lamposts/traffic lights/motorbikes/fences/trees/shops/cats/dogs/etc/etc. Why do they want to spend so much on those nonsense stuff? I thought Malaysia urges everyone to go green and now we see those dudes wasting papers and plastic like nobodies business! Its not like if you hang your flag all over the state, you'll get everyone's votes. Memang sundu.

So as a conclusion, once again tell your parents to vote DAP for the sake of your future! Your place in University in the short time to come depends on it. If your parents do not vote, URGE them to do so. BN has wasted enough of our resources for petty stuffs. 2.4 million ringgit for the finger ink that will NOT be used. 250 million just to send that mofo bobo to space. Over 10 billion ringgit in unfinished projects and so on. Where do all this money come from? How can they fork out so much for their idiotic ideas? They fund themselves freely from our parents pocket that is how.

Argh, anyways if you ask why do I side the opposition more than the ruling party?
Its cus Im sick n tired of how they do things the BOBO way.

21st Birthday Bash

Once upon a time long long long time ago on the 24th February 1987, there was a new born baby. Her name is KPC~!! (short form for kay po chi). She minded her own business (usually not la since her name kay po chi d rite??) and grew. Then it was 1989 where a little cutie pie was born. KPS is her name. Well somehow(reality) KPS is KPC's cousin sister.

KPC & KPS
From young they have quarrels with each other for over anything at all. For example, mamasak thingys, barbie dolls, polly pockets , etc etc. And the most common sentences are :

KPS: wa ehhh!!!mummy beh eh ok???
KPC: plsss la...wa ka *someone someone* char meh ki beh eh laaa!!!

Well the arguing will keep going and going UNTIL either one of them shows the other the "FINGER SIGN". Nolaaa not the middle finger sign!(still too young) Uhmm its the one using both index fingers and you sort of rub off one another..well u know what I mean. Lol.

But then sooner or later they'll make ends meet, bak kata pepatah "carik carik bulu ayam akhirnya bercantum juga" *weeweet* *claps claps claps*

As years passed by, they were used to sharing everything together and also tolerate one another. Oh and did I mention that they were from the same kindy, same school and now the same college!?Hah! What are the odds huh? Maybe being a kay po chi pays off in some way~ .

During those times(quite a number of years back) I used to drop by my cousins house to talk and play nonsense. Sometimes while I'm bathing, she will use a coin to unlock my door!! And she even repeated that multiple times! Sighs, pity me~ but then its quite
funny at times. Heh. Oh and I still remember that she loved to say shitty words while I'm eating to make me puke or sometimes giggle like hell!! Most of the times we will get a little too noisy and that leads to scolding from the grown ups. FORTUNATELY, its always KPC that kena scolding Lol! Also if anyone in school bullied me or steal my pencil or did anything bad to me, the person involved would be dealt by my cousin! ;P Therefore I felt pretty safe with her company.

>>> she used to be taller than me <<<

Both of them grew older and became more mature. No more kids attitude and even though verbal intercourses lessen but then there is still a feeling of caring and loving for each other in our hearts.

Then came 24th of February 2008. KPC the kay po chi decided to celebrate her 21st birthday at seawinds.

Before the party start, Ryan n I went to help my cousin for her party decoration. Ryan n Shannon(KPC's bf) the HEROES responsible for the"kerja kasar" such as cuci longkang,cuci jamban and counting nuts~!! jk~!! hehehe...what they did was climbing up to the roof and compete with their muscles...UNFORTUNATELY, we girls dont bother but maybe BOBOS will!
* THE DECORATIONS *
thnx to the ^ thnx to the GIRLs ^
HEROES

Till the night is getting dark,ryan n i went home to transform ourselves to prince and princess. And guess what~? we were late!! When we reached ,quite a number of ppl have arrived. Nvmlah, we excusable rite~? as yall know, where there is ryan, there will be always lateness~!!

The prince and princess
ღ cousins ღ

The party went on pretty well, esspecially when our "SIEN ONG", the Mr Ryan Kam appeared. He gave riddles n show some magics to me n my cousins. Through out the night we got fooled by him~!!!*Soon he will kena*As the night getting older,KPC bribe us with RM 100 000 000 to overnite,without hesitating,we instantly said YES. We teleport home to get our belongings n back to seawinds in just 1 min time~!!!*bravo*
Well, its a sleepless nite for us. We were playing card games and if the loser gets forfeited - by drinking alcohol~!!! tht was hell to me~!! Before the sun rose, we headed to the beach to feel the breeze and back to the bungalow to have our nap. The next morning,I had the end of the world feeling on me. I was feeling sleepy, gloomy and tired. And so my manchang-ness accidentally striked on Ryan, the victim~!!!

playing games

forfeit X(

suffering :((

heading to the beach

drunk man,birthday girl,princess,mr.late

=== THE END ===

OPPSSsSSSSsss....dont yall want to know what were the presents we prepared~????
well,let the pictures do the explanation:-

the box tht we decorated~!

golden cane from my parents~!!! lol
CREDITS to :shing & ryan

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